Birthday Wishes Year 1
by soccerchic17
Summary: Sirius celebrates his twelfth birthday on April 15, but what if this is the same day as one Severus Snape's twelfth birthday? What will happen? Pranks pranks and more pranks!
1. Chapter 1

_I've decided to do another Sirius birthday thing! Cool huh? Anyway, this one is first year. James and Lily already hate each other because of events that occurred on the train ride. Soooo…. What will happen?_

Disclaimer: All I own are the prank ideas! Cheerio!

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**Chapter 1: crazy early bird**

"Wakie wakie, Jamsiepoo!" yelled an overly hyper twelve year old boy.

It was the morning of April the 15, said twelve year old's birthday. This boy went by the name of Sirius Black. Sirius bounced up and down on his best friend's bed, trying to wake him up at five in the morning, something James Potter was not in the least bit happy about.

"Geroff moron!" James mumbled from under the covers of his extremely comfortable four poster bed.

Remus Lupin, Sirius's other best friend, sat up sleepily while trying to comprehend what was going on.

"I don't think I've ever seen Sirius up so early, except that time he slept walked out the window. But he wasn't this loud then." Remus mumbled standing up and heading toward the bathroom.

"Yeah" came the muffled reply of James, still being attacked by Sirius, "He's normally not up till like twelve, even on bloody Christmas."

"Well, don't I have the best mates in the world!" Sirius said sarcastically, "First, they forget my bloody birthday. Then they talk about me like I'm not even here! Blimey! Why am I so cursed!"

"Spare us the drama, mate" Remus replied as James literally fell out of bed and landed with a thud on the floor.

"Is James alive?" Frank Longbottom asked as he wiped sleep out of his eyes and glanced at the mound of blankets that covered James.

"Ah, He's fine." Sirius waved his hand dismissively, "Morning ritual. But I know how to liven things up a bit!" Sirius found his wand and muttered a charm at the blanket mound. Then he said another that made the blankets move slightly revealing a mess of jet black hair covered with an ivy wreath.

"Hehe" Sirius whispered evilly.

"Now would be a great time for me to take that shower now." Remus said slipping into the bathroom and locking the door. Meanwhile, Peter Pettigrew, the last boy to mention, snored on loudly from the last four-poster in the room.

A grunt, first sign of life, came from James Potter as he lifted his hand slowly to the top of his bedside cabinet and began groping around for his round glasses. As he found them he stood up and stretched before stumbling across the messy room toward the mirror.

"Ahhhhh!" James yelled as he stared at his reflection, "Why in Merlin's name do I look like a bloody Greek?"

James did in fact look like a Greek king, complete with toga, strappy sandels and ivy wreath. He rounded on Sirius who was doubled up in fits of laughter.

"Change me back you bloody git!"

"Why Jamsie!" Sirius stated straightening up, "I happen to think you look perfectly dashing in that outfit!"

James glared at him as he slowly walked toward the prankster, bending down to grab a lethal looking metal object.

"Come on now Potter! You can't hit the birthday boy!" Sirius chukled uneasily as he eyed the metal thing warily, "It's not fair!"

"Have I ever been fair?" James whispered dangerously.

"Cool!" Frank muttered as he silently wished he had popcorn for the show, and perhaps a metal shield.

Girlish screams emitted from the first year Gryffindor boy's dormitory at Hogwarts that morning, waking everyone except of course peter Pettigrew. The Gryffindors were of course used to the loud footsteps that shook the walls as running and tackling was taking place behind the closed door.

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Two hours later, the five first years entered the great hall and found seats at the Gryffindor table. James was now, thankfully, toga free and wearing his usual school robes.

Sirius, however, wasn't so lucky. He was unfortunately wearing Happy Birthday underwear over his robes making him look like a five year old's attempt to be a super hero.

Sirius ignored the giggles and began piling the food onto his plate. Suddenly, a girl with long blond hair and a bad case of acne tapped him on the shoulder. He slowly turned around and looked up at the girl.

"Um… Hi Sirius!" The girl said shyly, "I'm Susan. Happy Birthday!" She awkwardly shoved a letter into his arms and hurriedly joined her giggling friends at the Hufflepuff Table. (Sirius and James are not yet popular)

Sirius turned back around to face his sniggering friends. He carefully opened the card and his eyes widened slowly as he looked at what the letter contained.

"So?" said James impatiently as Sirius continued to stare at the letter with a horrified expression. James sighed impatiently and snatched the letter from his friend's hands. As he opened the letter a scene of two people getting married popped up, like in children's pop up books. James laughed loudly as he saw that Sirius's and Susan's heads were attached to the paper with what appeared to be glue.

"You know how bloody weird that is?" Sirius asked as he stuffed the letter back into his bag so no nosey eyes could ever see it. He planned in his mind to burn it later in a big bonfire.

"Awww!" James said in a mock baby voice, "The little baby has a little fan club!"

"Yeah Sirius," Remus said smiling mischievously, "Soon you'll have your own paparazzi and everything!"

"Sod off!" Sirius snapped as he ate his huge breakfast in mere minutes, "Food!"

"Oh come on mate, you know you would have died if it had been Marlene McKinnon." Peter teased.

Sirius looked down the table at the small group of first year Gryffindor girls. Among them was Marlene McKinnon who was the prettiest girl Sirius had ever seen. She had short brown hair and gray eyes that were always sparkling with mischief. She was funny and the best girl prankster Sirius had ever met. Unfortunately, her best friend happened to be Lily Evans.

Lily and James had been the worst of enemies ever since that first train ride.

_**Flashback:**_

_Sirius stood on the platform of nine and three quarters on September 1. He was finally going to Hogwarts and leaving the "Ancient and Most Noble House of Black." Sirius looked around at all the people on the platform. A lot of the older kids were meeting with their friends they hadn't seen all summer while others, like him, were looking around shyly. _

_His gaze stopped on a rather skinny boy about his height who was wrestling his way out of a tight hug from a tall brunette lady Sirius assumed was the boy's mother. As the lady loosened her grip she leaned down and kissed the boy on the cheek. The boy made a disgusted face and tried to wipe the kiss off with his sleeve while saying something that made the lady laugh. _

_Sirius turned toward the entrance to the platform and saw a small redhead girl emerge from the wall. She looked around the platform timidly before trying to drag large trunk toward the train. She was soon met by a rather short girl with short brown hair who said something to the redhead before helping her with her trunk. _

_Sirius turned back to the skinny boy, who had very messy short black hair and round glasses, leave his smiling parents and start making his way toward the train. Sirius decided to go meet the boy, and began dragging his own trunk in that direction._

"_Hey! My name is Sirius." He said once he reached the boy._

"_Oh, hi! I'm James Potter." The boy said while dropping his trunk and holding out his hand. Sirius shook it and both boys made their way to an empty compartment chatting about Quidditch and other interesting things. They found a compartment near the back of the train and put their trunks in the racks._

"_What house do you want to be in?" James asked as he sat down across from Sirius._

"_Gryffindor! Definitely!" Sirius replied excitedly, "If I end up in Slytherin I'll commit suicide! My whole family's been in Slytherin. Pureblood freaks the lot of them. Blacks you know. They think I'm a disgrace and I think their insane, but hey, who cares?" Sirius looked at James to see his reaction to finding out he was a Black._

"_Right on." James said encouragingly._

"_Cool! So, how about you?"_

"_Gryffindor! Duh!" James said immediately, "Where else? I hate slimy Slytherins. I know some gits who dream of being in Slytherin. Bloody losers!"_

"_My little brother is one of those. Insane little git!" Sirius made a face of disgust, "I love to do pranks on him at home."_

"_Hey lets prank them at school! Then we can use cool spells and stuff!" _

"_Awesome!"_

_Just then their compartment door swung open and the two girls Sirius had seen on the platform stood came in._

"_Do you mind if we share this compartment?" The brown haired girl asked, "Everywhere else is full."_

"_Uh sure" The boys said scooting over to give the girls room._

"_Thanks! I'm Marlene McKinnon by the way." The brown haired girl said. She pointed at the redhead and explained, "And this is Lily Evans."_

"_I'm Sirius Black"_

"_James Potter"_

"_Cool" Marlene said._

_The group talked about many different things, explaining most of them to Lily who was muggle born. After about an hour the food trolley came and a plump witch asked them if they wanted any sweets. James and Sirius jumped up at the mention of food and bought a little of everything. Marlene helped Lily pick out some good sweets._

"_How about we do a little prank on the girls?" James whispered to Sirius who nodded excitedly. _

_James took out his wand and muttered a spell at each girl's pumpkin pastry right before they ate them. As Lily and Marlene swallowed the last bite a popping noise sounded. Sirius looked over at James who was smiling mischievously. Lily's hair was turning a bright green like her eyes and Marlene's was turning white. Then a large purple boil started to form on each girl's head. They looked at each other and screamed before looking at the boys in horror. Lily looked as if she were about to cry as they ran out of the compartment to find an older student to fix them._

_When they were gone James and Sirius broke into fits of loud laughter not unnoticed by the girls. After a few games of exploding snap between the boys, leaving a burn mark beneath James's eye, the girls returned with anger in their eyes._

"_That was really mean you stupid git!" Lily yelled at James who looked back at her dumbfounded._

"_What did I do?" He asked._

"_You cursed us moron!" Marlene yelled also joining the fight._

"_We saw you whisper it! He didn't do anything." Lily yelled then pointed at Sirius._

"_I didn't do anything, but whatever. You girls can think whatever you want." James sighed._

"_aarrgh! You know I'm going to teach you a lesson! You won't ever think to mess with us again!" Lily said as she pointed her wand at James whose eyes widened in fear. She then said a complicated charm that Sirius had never heard of before. Sirius looked back at James and laughed as he saw James's ears grow 20 times as big as normal and turn a pretty shade of violet._

_James gasped in shock before turning to glare at Lily. "I'll get you for that Evans!"_

_Lily just turned on her heel and said "I'd like to see you try Potter."_

_**End Flashback:**_

_That was a long memory_ Sirius thought as he saw James's hand waving in front of his face.

"Daydreaming about McKinnon?" James asked grinning, "You might have had a chance with her if she weren't friends with Evans. Evans won't allow it because you're friends with me. Idiot."

"Puh-lese" Sirius said giving James a knowing look, "We all know you're in love with Lily."

James sprayed the pumpkin juice he had just drank right back in Sirius's face.

"What! You've got to be kidding me! I'd never like that monster!" James said starring at his friends in disbelief, "The day I like her is the day they find out who this Voldemort guy is."

"Riiiight" Remus said standing up, "Come on, we have to go to Transfiguration."

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A/N: Well that's done! Next chapter should be up soon. I already have it planned out in my mind. Might be two weeks though because I'm going on a rather long vacation! So while I'm gone take your little mousey thing and click that pretty little purple button that says review. If you do you will become a member of the all so exclusive cha cha slide club! LOL 


	2. Notes and things

A/N: This is an extremely stupid, random chapter. I saw this note thing on other people's fan fics and thought it was awesome. I was just having fun being my randomly weird self. Lol. Terribly sorry if you hate pointless chapters… Next will basically have a point. I think…

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Chapter 2: Notes and stuff

**Hey Sirius guess what? J.**

_**What? S.**_

**It's Snape's birthday today too. J.**

_**What! Slimy git! Stole my birthday! S.**_

**Yeah, so what are we going to do about it? And please don't say flaming monkeys of doom! J.**

_**What's bloody wrong with flaming monkeys of doom? S.**_

**Oh nothing, just the fact that we've done that one 10 times and it's getting old. Besides, last time you set me on fire! Then the monkey saw the fire and went fire crazy and bit my head! J.**

_**Oh right, haha, that was good stuff. S.**_

**It's your turn to think of something birthday boy so make it good. J.**

_**What about ice fortress monkeys of doom? S.**_

**You need professional help. I'll get Remus. J.**

Yeah? R.

**Sirius is in need of professional help. J.**

Okay Sirius, take a deep breath and tell me your problem. R.

_**Well there are so many… S.**_

And how do you feel about that? R.

_**Confused? S.**_

Mmmhmmm. Well what are… uh oh McGonagall! R.

**Snape to Sirius**

_Die Black, die S.S._

**_Well, that was random – Bathe Snape, Bathe! S._**

**Sirius to James**

_**Why is the sky blue? S.**_

**I don't know. J.**

_**I think it was the aliens. I mean they made the pyramids, peanut butter, and Remus so smart. S.**_

**Right mate… J.**

_**Anyway, what about Snape? S.**_

**Well we have to do something by lunch J.**

**_I say we cover him in mayonnaise, set his hair on fire, and throw him at the whomping willow! S._**

**Didn't me and Remus do that to you last week? J.**

_**Oh yeah… S.**_

****

**Peter to Sirius**

_What's up? P._

_**We're pranking Snape. S.**_

_Oh, goodie! I'll be lookout! P. (Wimpy traitor!)_

**Sirius to Marlene**

_**Hey! Guess what! It's my Birthday! S.**_

**Guess what! I don't bloody care. M.**

_**So what's my present? S.**_

**Like I'd get you a present! Ha! That was a good one! M.**

_**Let me guess… It's a puppy! S.**_

**Do I _have_ to spell it out for you? I D-I-D N-O-T G-E-T Y-O-U A P-R-E-S-E-N-T! M.**

**_I bet it's peanut Butter! I love peanut butter. Oh Peanut Butter! So sweet and Creamy! S._**

**Pig. M.**

_**You got me a pig! S.**_

**Oy! M.**

**Lily to James**

What are you up to Potter? L.

**None of your bloody business Miss. Know- It- All J.**

Whatever it is I'm going to find out and I am going to tell! L.

**Oh, I'm scared now. J.**

You better be. L.

**Mommy! Help! Angry Miss fancy pants is going to tattle! Save me from this horrible bloody death. Right Evans, you wish. J.**

One of these days you are so going down Potter! L.

**Right, when pigs fly. J.**

As you wish. L.

**Not note**

"Miss. Evans! Put MR. Potter down this instant!"

James was currently floating 5 feet above his chair yelling at Lily who had her wand pointed at him, mouth opened wide in a yawn. She glanced at her angry Professor.

"As you wish."

She flicked her wand, releasing the windgardium leviosa charm. James fell with a crash on top of his desk which flipped and crashed to the floor.

**Sirius to Remus**

**_Hey Remus, if elephants were blue would they live in the ocean? S._**

No Sirius, I don't think they would. R.

_**Really? I thought water was blue. S.**_

Water is clear retard. R.

_**Then why is the ocean blue? Beat that! S.**_

Some scientific junk. Now leave me alone. I'm doing this thing called learning. Maybe you've heard of it. R.

_**Nope, can't say I have. S.**_

Like taking notes. R.

_**Oh! I get it! That sucks. I feel sorry for you. I'd just fake it. S.**_

I choose to take notes Sirius. R.

**_Gasp! Remus! Oh no, all that werewolfing and permanent recording is turning you brain into nasty pink mush! Permanent Records are just a myth you know. S._**

You're hopeless. 2. Permanent records are real and you and James have ruined mine in one year! 3. If I get this note back it meets a horrible fiery death. R.

**_Haha. That was hilarious! Permanent records real? Ha! I think you're the one in need of professional help! Now, You will kill a perfectly innocent note? How dare you! That's murder you know. You could go to Askaban for that. S._**

****

**Not note**

Remus reads the "innocent" note with a frown then smiles evily as he sets it on fire with his wand. He turns to find an appalled expression on Sirius's face. Remus stares Sirius straight in the eye and begins his evil maniac laugh.

**Lily to Marlene**

Potter and Black are such jerks! L.

**I know! I mean Black actually thought I was getting him a present! Like I'd get him a bloody present after he set me on fire and released the flaming fire monkeys of doom! M.**

Really! L.

**Yeah! Pigs! Well you showed Potter! That was great! Wish I would have thought of that… M.**

Lol L.

**Did you hear Remus's evil laugh? M.**

Yeah! I don't think I've ever seen him like that. And here I was thinking he was the normal one. L.

**Hehe. The miracle of notes! M.**

**Weird Slytherin to James**

_Hey Jamsiewamsie! W.S._

**Who the heck is this? J.**

_Your secret admirer. W.S._

**Eww! Leave me alone stalker! J.**

(Evil stalker weird slytherin breaks down into sobs as her imagenary friend tries to comfort her.)

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**A/N: _well that was fun! Sorry about the randomness. Funny though right! You better say right or I will introduce you to my evil flaming monkeys of doom! Lol. Press that pretty little button and tell how right I am! Then of course you can join me in the cha cha party currently rocking in review land! Toodles!_**


	3. My knight in shining Loo water?

**Chapter 3: My knight in shining…loo water?**

"Wow. That was great!" Sirius gasped as he stumbled out the door of the defense against the dark arts classroom. He clutched his side to stop the pain laughing caused and his cheeks began to hurt from the constant laughter. James, Remus, and Peter followed close behind shaking their heads in agreement because they could not break their own laughter to admit another sound. Shouts and screams issued from the room behind them and a loud splash sent the boys off down the hall still laughing but aware that the trouble they caused could still come back to haunt them.

"Who ever knew that pixies were so cool?" James replied as he finally caught enough breathe to answer.

"Pixies are terribly ferocious beings not to be trusted or allowed freedom in any circumstance. Upon encounter flee." Sirius said in a shaky, feeble voice mimicking their rather pathetic teacher.

"I think their fascinating." Remus replied finally calming himself. Within a few seconds he had transformed back into the calm, controlled marauder that everyone thought him to be.

"Moony." Sirius looked over at his friend with a smirk, "You think everything you discover in that learning concept of yours fascinating. I think it's rubbish but whatever floats your boat mate.

As the boys continued their lighthearted conversation Professor Meatles staggered to the door of his classroom, drenched and entirely put out at the trouble pressed upon his otherwise calm day.

"Those boys will be the end of this school," he muttered as he shook his head, "I shudder to think of the havoc they will wreak."

Unfortunately the professor had reason at that moment to shudder at the spectacle in his own classroom. One of his students ran toward Meatles and leaned against the wall for support. As the boy caught his breath the professor observed his torn robes and singed eyebrows. The fact that the boy was also covered in loo water did not escape the professor who wrinkled his nose in revulsion. Then, wondering at the cold dampness he felt all over, the professor realized with horror that he was also covered in loo water. He lifted his arm and took a whiff to realize that he smelled worse and had considerable trouble keeping consciousness.

"Umm. Professor," The boy asked, bringing Meatles back to his senses, "Don't you think you should.." The boy was cut off when a loud crash was heard from within the classroom followed by a few gargled screams.

"Yes. Right." The professor answered as he rushed back into the classroom to defend the poor souls who had not escaped the pixies and were currently huddled in the corner being drowned by a waterfall of loo water from the floor above. The pixies were behind it of course, with the help of peeves. The professor cursed the boys for letting the pixies loose in the first place before diving into action.

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"but squirrels have much cuter tails." James was explaining as the boys made their way to the great hall and the luring smell of food. The boys quickly got over the excitement of the previous class though they had left it mere minutes before. These things do not withstand in a young boy's mind for long. Now James and Peter were consumed by talk of fuzzy animals, of which Peter seemed to find bunnies to be the fuzziest creatures on earth. James strongly disagreed.

Sirius walked alongside his quarreling friends failing to figure out why his friends insisted on talking about something so girly. He was personally repulsed and warily watched them from the corner of his eye. A shocked expression appeared on the twelve year olds face as a thought occurred to him. He couldn't help but wonder if his friends were indeed straight as he had so thought. (they are straight by the way) That would explain why James couldn't stand Evans and why he went bonkers at the mere mentioning of his crush on her.

Sirius glanced at James shiftily before moving a few steps away. James appeared to not have notice for his voice had risen considerably, causing Sirius to reluctantly return his attention to the slightly disturbing conversation taking place.

"But have you SEEN their little footsies?" Peter cried in indignation. Remus who appeared to share Sirius's concerns began to smack his forehead with his hand repeatedly.

Sirius was about to laugh when he heard giggling behind him just as Marlene and Lily brushed past whispering behind their hands and giggling as they glanced back at the boys.

"Oh. Er. Hey Marlene!" Sirius called after them, stuttering slightly and grinning. Marlene glared at him over her shoulder before hurrying off. Sirius sighed as he watched her turn the corner. Unfortunately this stole his attention away from more pressing matters which included the obstacles ahead of him, the worst being those vicious suits of armor.

Sirius's head collided with cool metal causing a gong to echo through the halls to be followed by a crash as Sirius tumbled to the floor in a pile of scattered armor. His friends stopped their disturbing conversations and head smackings to watch armor roll down the hall. They gaped at the pile of rust in front of them for several minutes before the helmet popped up through the mound and began looking around frantically. It just happened to be attached to the neck of a first year wearing dusty Gryffindor robes. Loud laughter announced that the others had realized what had happened.

"Merlin! I'm Blind!" Sirius's shout was slightly muffled by the closed helmet. "All I can see is the dark abyss! Put there is no light at the end of the tunnel. That's good news! There's hope for me yet. Remus! Help!" Sirius stood up and began groping through the air for his friend. Unfortunately his foot landed on a round arm brace and he was sent sprawling to the ground once more.

Remus clutching his side from laughter, stumbled over to his friend. He lifted the eye guard of the helmet ad grinned at the rather surprised face that looked up at him.

"Good morning sunshine. Welcome back." Remus Grinned. Sirius jumped up and shouted for joy at his newfound sight. Then without hesitation he began yanking at the cursed helmet. After a few seconds of struggle he looked up horrified and exclaimed that the helmet was indeed stuck.

"I shall come to your rescue valiant knight!" James shouted dramatically. He took hold of the helmet and put his foot on Sirius's shoulder. He gave one mighty tug and was surprised to find that the helmet was stuck fast. He began tugging more violently creating quite a comical scene.

"Ow! Are you bloody insane!" Sirius yelled, yanking his head back.

"Sorry mate." James shrugged, "I guess you're stuck like that. At least you have a helmet for when life gets tough, eh?"

Sirius glared at James through his eye hole. James smiled and declared that it was to early for jokes and set off down the hall.

"If it makes you feel any better I have the perfect prank for our dear mate snape." James said . Sirius perked up at the mention of a good prank and seemed to find his situation more tolerable.

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Sorry it took so long! I lost this and just found it and decided to type it up. Rather short I know but I will do my best to get another chapter up soon. Farewell! 


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